Lists are dumb. Not really, but I sure don’t make them. Alex insists grocery shopping can only be done with a list. If it’s not on the list, he won’t buy it. Lists are helpful, there’s no denying their usefulness. Me, I prefer the freedom of no Lists; just my shopping basket and my salvatory glands guiding my choices. “I know I need oats, but those pickeled asparagus look delicious…oh my god I love toasted coconut…sure I’ll try the sample…I need that, whatever it was…rice cakes with peanut butter sound good…what was I getting? Oh yeah, mustard.” I’m completely guilty of coming home with half of the items we needed and five things we didn’t. Alex loves lists. He’s begged me to utilize them to which I typically respond with “my memory is a steal trap.” But because I think we all deserve a little appreciation now and again, I thought I’d honor Alex by creating a list. This compilation has nothing to do with what we need at grocery store or the hardware store. Instead, this is a list of all the hard lessons I’ve learned over the last year. It is my hope, you will learn from my mistakes and withhold from throwing caution or anything else to the wind because it’ll likely smack you in the face on its way back down.
- S’mores are petty gross. Adding a raw oyster freshly plucked from the beach to a s’more makes it worse. In this case, that salty sweet flavor struggled to come out. Although, oyster + s’more = s’moyster. Worth it.
- Becoming a teacher means watching people stick tissue up their nose, thinking no one is looking and proceeding to shoot boogery globs of tissue like projectiles onto the floor.
- Running down an incredibly rocky, uneven and steep trail in the middle of the night with a 50 pound pack and a 40 pound child strapped to your front is dangerous. Don’t do it.
- 70 mph winds are unreasonable for skiing
- Buying a school bus from an anarchist was a questionable decision
- Pay attention to extreme high tides, otherwise you might find yourself stuck in a small cove with a sandstone rock cliff dropping small boulders onto you. One might hit your chest.
- Eat more than string cheese, one hard boiled egg and a giant cup of coffee before an 18 hour alpine climb
- Hwy 101 loop is no longer I a viable weekend trip because every single campground is packed to the brim with rv’s and generators
- 98 degrees is too hot for bouldering
- Ten day old butter crossiants are not backpacking food
See, I am capable of lists!